Midgets/Jessica Alba will not make your movie funnier
Is it Mini-Me’s fault?
Since the success of Austin Powers 2, there has been a glut—a glut, I say!—of small people in comedies. I’ll get my disclaimer out of the way: I have nothing against midgets or dwarves; they’re actors too, and they deserve equal casting opportunities. Some day an extremely talented small person will play Hamlet or Othello to massive critical acclaim, and drop-kick open the doors for dwarven dramatic acting. But until that day, small people will be the easiest, cheapest way to visually telegraph “funny.“
Springing to mind:
- Austin Powers 2: The Spy Who Shagged Me
- Austin Powers 3: One Too Many
- Bubble Boy
- Epic Movie
- Meet the Spartans
- In Bruges
- The Love Guru
Feel free to add your own in the comments. I haven’t seen half of the movies on this list, but I think it’s fair to judge them by their trailers. Maybe it’s the mashup-movies (Epic, Date, Meet the Spartans) that have poisoned me. I even hear “In Bruges” is pretty good. But every time I see a small person in a trailer, I wince. Who’s to blame for the consistent belittling of the little? The trailer editors? The writers? The casting agents? A more vast Hollywood conspiracy? The audience, for continuing to laugh at airborne dwarves?
I have to give Mike Meyers credit for exploiting Verne Troyer as Mini-Me so thoroughly in Austin Powers. Maybe the reason small people feel so tired in comedies is because Austin Powers did every midget joke twice over. Better still, Mini-Me actually had a bit of relationship with Dr. Evil, too—something to do on screen besides fly around and look small. Mini-Me is deepest small-person-character since… Tattoo?
But whatever credit I just gave Mike Meyers, I now have to take away. Have you seen the trailer for “The Love Guru“ yet? The optimist in me cries, “You can’t judge a movie by its trailer!“ The me in me cries, “You are meant to judge a movie by its trailer! History has proven this with alarming accuracy!“ Either I’m wrong or Mike Meyers, whose comedic mind I worship and envy, needs to break some habits.
The Love Guru boasts the return of Mini-Me and the most precise Mini-Me joke to date: “You are a midget.“ Yes. Yes! Finally, the culmination, the alpha-and-omega of a joke ten years in the making. (Even more sadly, we’ve seen Mike Meyers do the same joke setup before: the running “Mole” gag in Austin Powers. Is he just tired?)
The Love Guru also features a new, terrible trend in comedies: Jessica Alba. Has Jessica Alba ever made anybody laugh? Intentionally? I watched half of “Good Luck Chuck” over somebody’s shoulder on a train ride, and Alba’s “comic timing” seems to consist entirely of well-edited pratfalls. In fairness, nobody (besides Jessica Alba) would claim she’s funny. She’s bankable. She’s eye-candy. She’s a prize, a superficial motivation for male leads to leap into wacky scenarios. Perhaps a female comic lead with something interesting to say/do would attract a more talented comedienne.
In summary: The Love Guru looks terrible.