Monday, March 03, 2008

Midgets/Jessica Alba will not make your movie funnier

Is it Mini-Me’s fault?

Since the success of Austin Powers 2, there has been a glut—a glut, I say!—of small people in comedies.  I’ll get my disclaimer out of the way: I have nothing against midgets or dwarves; they’re actors too, and they deserve equal casting opportunities.  Some day an extremely talented small person will play Hamlet or Othello to massive critical acclaim, and drop-kick open the doors for dwarven dramatic acting.  But until that day, small people will be the easiest, cheapest way to visually telegraph “funny.“

Springing to mind:

• Austin Powers 2: The Spy Who Shagged Me
• Austin Powers 3: One Too Many
• Bubble Boy
• Epic Movie
• Meet the Spartans
• In Bruges
• The Love Guru

Feel free to add your own in the comments.  I haven’t seen half of the movies on this list, but I think it’s fair to judge them by their trailers.  Maybe it’s the mashup-movies (Epic, Date, Meet the Spartans) that have poisoned me.  I even hear “In Bruges” is pretty good.  But every time I see a small person in a trailer, I wince.  Who’s to blame for the consistent belittling of the little?  The trailer editors?  The writers?  The casting agents?  A more vast Hollywood conspiracy?  The audience, for continuing to laugh at airborne dwarves?

I have to give Mike Meyers credit for exploiting Verne Troyer as Mini-Me so thoroughly in Austin Powers.  Maybe the reason small people feel so tired in comedies is because Austin Powers did every midget joke twice over.  Better still, Mini-Me actually had a bit of relationship with Dr. Evil, too—something to do on screen besides fly around and look small.  Mini-Me is deepest small-person-character since… Tattoo?

But whatever credit I just gave Mike Meyers, I now have to take away.  Have you seen the trailer for “The Love Guru“ yet?  The optimist in me cries, “You can’t judge a movie by its trailer!“  The me in me cries, “You are meant to judge a movie by its trailer!  History has proven this with alarming accuracy!“  Either I’m wrong or Mike Meyers, whose comedic mind I worship and envy, needs to break some habits.

The Love Guru boasts the return of Mini-Me and the most precise Mini-Me joke to date:  “You are a midget.“  Yes.  Yes!  Finally, the culmination, the alpha-and-omega of a joke ten years in the making.  (Even more sadly, we’ve seen Mike Meyers do the same joke setup before: the running “Mole” gag in Austin Powers.  Is he just tired?)

The Love Guru also features a new, terrible trend in comedies: Jessica Alba.  Has Jessica Alba ever made anybody laugh?  Intentionally?  I watched half of “Good Luck Chuck” over somebody’s shoulder on a train ride, and Alba’s “comic timing” seems to consist entirely of well-edited pratfalls.  In fairness, nobody (besides Jessica Alba) would claim she’s funny.  She’s bankable.  She’s eye-candy.  She’s a prize, a superficial motivation for male leads to leap into wacky scenarios.  Perhaps a female comic lead with something interesting to say/do would attract a more talented comedienne.

In summary: The Love Guru looks terrible.